The big change in this chapter is the addition of more explanation for the whole steel exchange -- hopefully this gives a little more of a viable reason for Jot to accompany Chance. ![]()
Thanks in advance for any reviews!
Here There Be Dragons
Chapter Two - Jot
Well! This was rich! A human stringbean needing my help! I have to admit, I was quite amused.
“This is a joke, right? Someone took advantage of your idiotic nature and sent you up here, telling you to ask the dragon for help. This is ridiculous.”
Chance flipped his visor up, and I caught sight of two red spots on his very white face. “Sir dragon, I am not being put up to this. I have come of my own volition and I am asking you in all seriousness to come to my aid.”
“For what? What could you need my help for?”
“Sir dragon, if you will allow me to explain my plight, I would be most grateful.”
Temporarily befuddled, I settled back onto my haunches and flicked my tail. “Go on, I’m listening.”
He took a deep breath and began. “My father is lord of the Wolelands fief, and I am his heir. My sister, Thelia, is a maiden of rare beauty.”
“Oh my, this isn’t going in the direction of incest, is it?” I stirred anxiously. “I’m having no hand in it—messy businesses, those, not to mention morally disgusting.”
He glared at me, insulted. “Not in the least,” he said huffily. “We share the purest of affection. Indeed, it is for the sake of her purity that I am setting forth. She drew the attention of a visiting wizard—Terpith by name.”
I felt a shudder ripple under my scales at the name—he was a bad one indeed. I owed a couple of good scars to him.
“The accursed wizard has taken my sister—she would not come with him—and is hurrying back home, no doubt to hide her away in his tower in the citadel of Rale.”
“The king’s country,” I commented. “About four hundred leagues away, and a good fortnight’s ride at least. You’ve got quite a journey ahead of you.” This boy was certainly in a pickle. And what he thought he was going to gain with me was even more intriguing.
“I cannot speak out against him, even at Rale, for Terpith is powerful and his renown spreads far and wide. Compared to him, I am nothing.”
“Compared to most things, I’d agree with that.”
The boy’s face flushed, but he went on. “In regards to the king’s court, I am aidless.”
“Fight for her honor,” I suggested with a yawn. It had been a while since I had had such a long conversation with a human. “Or maybe she likes living with him. Just think, it’s the richest part of the country. Improvement upon her former status, eh?”
“She would rather die than be married to Terpith.” Again, I shivered slightly; it made me uncomfortable how easily the wizard’s name tripped off the boy’s tongue. “I must rescue her. My father is too weak, or he would come, too.”
“And what, may I ask, does this have to do with me?”
Here he hesitated, forming his words carefully. “I am in need of someone who is able to defeat Terpith. There is no other living creature I know of who can oppose so powerful a wizard.”
“That is true. But what do you expect me to do?” I asked, amused. “Break through the tower and fly away with your sister?”
By the silence of his response, I knew I had struck on his thoughts.
“And even if you came up with some ingenious way of rescuing your sister, why would I want to help you?”
“I could reward you most handsomely,” he replied.
“Oh yeah? How so? You don’t look like you’d make much of a meal for me.”
“I know what it is that dragons desire, more than gold and jewels,” he said in a low voice, as if letting me in on a secret. “I know how much you love the taste and sound and feel and shine,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “of steel.”
I blinked, surprised. Yes, he was right. Completely right. How he ever came to know such a thing was beyond me. But he spoke truth—steel is a mystery, something we dragons both love and hate. It shines brilliantly against the light, and is beautiful to behold—yet it is also used to make the very weapons and armor that lead to our death. Somehow, in an ironic way, we are attracted to its deathly shine. It was partly why we put up with the knights for as long as we did; whenever one died, we would take the armor and melt it and guard it jealously, our spoils of war.
“I could give you steel aplenty; unformed, pure, as much as this cave could hold.” Chance waved his hands in a supposedly grand gesture.
“And where do you get so much, hm?”
“My family makes steel. We mine the iron from the numerous caves that dot our fief and use wind furnaces to imbue it all with air. It’s the one thing the Woles is known for, and it’s the only thing that keeps us in commerce and trade with the other fiefs.”
I twitched my tail, thinking. He was accurate, from what I knew; certainly the Woles was nothing but a dinky, soggy land with a lot of run-down farmhouses and barely any healthy crops to eat, let alone trade. Several neighboring knights and barons came to the Woles and left with supplies of armor or weapons, or occasional shipments went out (I should know; I would often eat the courier and bring the weapons home for my enjoyment). So the boy was truthful in the fact that he had plenty of it, or could easily obtain enough steel.
Still. This was a human I was talking with. Generally, we dragons leave humans alone, except for when we’re hungry, and they leave us alone, save for their idiotic quests. It’s a kind of uneasy truce that’s broken whenever one side feels like it. But this…it would be defying the order of nature to actually help a human.
I cast a baleful eye on the boy, wondering whether it would be easier to burn him to a crisp or to rip his head off. I think he must have gotten some kind of a vibe from me, for he suddenly said, “If you doubt my word, let me show you this.”
He slid his pack off and reached into it, pulling forth a gleaming object. Unconsciously, I extended my head forward to get a better look. A lovely metallic smell wafted from Chance’s hands as he held out a large rectangular bar of solid steel. It was perhaps two feet long and half a foot wide, with a foot’s height, and as I watched it shine in the light, its surface untainted by anything else (unless you count Chance’s scruffy hands), I felt a flame of desire leap within me.
Whenever a dragon sees steel, or other valuable treasure, a sort of recklessness takes over. There’s no telling what a dragon may do to take, keep, or protect the item for itself. And this block of steel was a beautiful treasure.
The usual ripple of delight went through my muscles, making my overlying scales tremble and clack together, a sound that echoed off the cave walls. My eyes focused wholly on the steel; my tongue flicked out, to catch the scent and transport it to my brain. I was trembling, ready to snatch it from Chance’s hands and carry it back to my storeroom, where I could touch it and smell it and gloat over it.
“Wait, Jot!”
Chance’s commanding voice snapped me out of my reverie, and I realized that I had been inching closer and closer to the block. I hissed and pulled back, shaking my head. Carelessness like that could be the death of a dragon! Not that Chance posed any kind of threat to me, but still.
“Jot, I will give this to you in good faith, so that you may know that I shall keep my word and supply you with more steel than this, of the same type and quality.”
The boy reverently placed the steel on the ground and took a step back, clanking squeakily as he did so. I glanced at him, sensing a trap, then down to the steel, then back at him. He was watching me with a mixed expression of solemnity and shock (mainly due to his buggy eyes).
Slowly, a paw extended forward. Chance watched it, licking his pale lips. I suddenly smacked my paw down on the steel and pulled it to me, chortling gleefully as I hunkered down to inspect it.
“So shiny and silver! Mm, the tang of metal! The coolness of steel! Ah me, if only the others could see—”
I broke off, an idea occurring to me. This was certainly a good piece of steel—and if the boy could give me more, I would immediately rise up in the ranking of dragons as being the richest in the Westerfold country. As such, I would gain power and the admiration of other dragons. A certain female, sage-green in scale color and livid yellow in eye, came to mind…
Clearing my throat, I looked impressively down at the boy. “You say you will give me more of this?”
“If you complete your end of the bargain,” he said firmly.
I glanced back down at the steel between my paws, and I looked at the boy. Reedy, bony—not something I’d get a good meal out of, so there wouldn’t be much loss if I let him live. And if, by doing so, I could get more of the wonderful metal, then surely it would be worth it.
“And if you prove to be a faulty, lying little sneak?” I asked. “Then I’ll have gotten nothing out of this.”
“If I prove to be such and do not keep my word, then you have every right to kill and eat me.” The boy said this with such composure that I was momentarily impressed.
“That’s right I would.” A thought occurred to me. “And what if you somehow find my services unsatisfactory and refuse to pay me?”
Chance smiled thinly. “Then what could possibly prevent you from eating me? Really, no matter how you look at it, you benefit from whatever happens.”
I tapped the steel bar with a claw, thinking. He had a point. If I chose to help and all went well, then I would receive a caveful of steel. If, for some reason, the boy chose not to pay up, I could have the satisfaction of tearing him limb from limb to exact my vengeance. Besides, it wouldn’t take too much effort to then fly over to his little castle, tear the stones apart, and gather up all the steel I could find. It might be less than what he promised, but it would be more than I currently had.
With these promising thoughts, I nodded. “All right. I’ll do it.”
A brief smile flitted across Chance’s mouth. “First, we shall both swear the blood-grave oath.”
“Really? If it makes you feel better, I suppose.”
Chance nodded. “Then I shall begin.” He placed his right hand in a fist on his heart and intoned, “Upon the graves of my forefathers, I do swear to keep my word and supply the noble dragon Jot (here I preened a bit) with enough steel to fill this cavern. In return, I expect the dragon Jot to aid me in rescuing my sister from the clutches of the wizard Terpith, with or without exacting vengeance upon him. Do you swear this also, dragon, along with the promise of leaving myself and anyone else I designate unharmed until we have returned home, I have supplied you with your reward, and have returned to my home again?”
I sat up straighter and said grandly, “I agree to these conditions, and I swear my faithfulness upon the blood and bones sunken into the ground from my many victims. Should I break this oath, may my scales fall off and my wings shrivel.”
Chance looked extremely satisfied at my fine words, which I found amusing. There was nothing magical about this oath; none of my horrible wishes would come true in the least. They were simply a bunch of words uttered in as monotone a voice as possible, and for some reason this tradition was valued by knights. But it didn’t harm me, and I didn’t see any reason not to give the boy the false assurance of a promise, so I kept quiet on the futility of it.
“Now, how exactly are you going to find your sister? How long ago was she taken?” Best to get down to business; the sooner I had my steel, the better.
“I have not decided yet,” he said, scratching his nose. “She was taken almost two days ago.”
“Two? My, hasn’t it taken someone a while to decide to rescue her. Enjoy the peace of having a nagless castle?”
He rankled at that. “Not at all! I pursued them as soon as I found out, but Terpith was traveling with a large party, and when I caught up to them, they easily knocked me down, taking my only good horse in the meantime. I had to return home on foot, bruised from their feet and fists, and figure out another way.”
“Hmmf.” Much as I didn’t care about the boy’s welfare, I had to admit that behavior like that was uncalled for. I would have just knocked him out and trussed him up in a tree, if I was a human, instead of going to the trouble of beating him up and wasting journey time.
Chance continued. “Going directly after their party would be suicide, even with a dragon; Terpith is powerful, and there are three other wizards accompanying him, besides the squad of footsoldiers.”
As much as I’d like to say that I could have taken them on easily, it did get a bit tricky fighting off one wizard while another one was sneaking up behind you and using his staff to send bolts of lightning or whatever else at you. Wizards never fight fairly, and I didn’t fancy my chances at taking on four of them, especially with a whole company of armed men.
“So if we can’t pursue them, then what?” I asked.
“We shall meet them on their own ground. Once they are back in Rale, Terpith will go to his secluded castle and think himself safe enough there. It’s a grand estate; I’ve seen it from afar, a long time ago when my father took me and Thelia to Rale. You would be more fairly matched against him then. And if we arrive before, we shall be able to lie in wait and surprise him when he comes.”
“All very well. But how are we going to get there before when he’s got a two-day head start?”
“I’m sure there are guides aplenty who know of faster ways to Rale.” Chance spoke dismissively; he had evidently not thought too hard about this little detail. I snorted. If we missed out, it would be his problem, not mine.
“And where are you going to find such a guide?”
“Marshwin Village. It’s a few miles from the Woles and the largest one this side of Westerfold country.”
“Your decision. You’ll probably have to buy a new steed there, too, if you don’t have one.”
He snuck a glance at me and I saw in his buggy eyes what he was thinking.
“You’re not going to ride me, I can tell you that much. You’re too heavy, reedy though you are. Besides, fancy having one of these,” I shook my back, rattling my row of long silver spikes, “stuck up your arse?”
He gave me a baleful look. “In Marshwin, I shall find a new mount; the horses back home are too old and weak to carry me the distance.”
“While you’re at it, you may want to buy a new suit of armor. Not to mention a sword that isn’t rusted inside an old scabbard.”
At those words, he imperiously drew the blade out of the sheath, and I took an involuntary step back before shaking my head angrily and taking two deliberate paces forward.
The sword’s blade, contrary to my previous belief, was shining and of the finest metal, rather like my brick of steel; it thrilled me to see it so close, so shining…
“This sword belonged to my father, and is a relic of the old times,” Chance said. “It shall do the deeds needed of it.” He slid it back into its scabbard and I felt myself flag a little.
“Well this is all very well, but I think you’re forgetting something. I’m not going to get the best reception wherever we go. Most people, if they don’t run away screaming, will be hacking their weapons at me. How do you propose I act? I could burn down all the villages we come across.”
“Absolutely not,” he replied firmly. “The only person I have a quarrel with is Terpith, and anyone who intervenes on his behalf. We shall not involve anyone else if need be.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t leave me alone. ”
“I shall think of something,” he said pettishly. “For now, let us walk.”
“Oh?” My tail thumped in surprise. “We’re leaving now?”
“Yes. I came prepared to see you, and in the event that you were not willing to strike a deal, I would have continued on alone.”
I laughed scornfully. “You mean you would’ve ended up inside my stomach, that’s what! I would have eaten you in a tick.”
Here the boy gave me a sidelong glance, and I must admit I found it almost…unnerving. His buggy blue eyes held a certain calm self-possession that was most unusual in someone of his age. He also had a knowing glint in them that I didn’t care for; he had already shown uncanny knowledge with the steel incident. Who knew what else was hidden away behind that most unpromising exterior?
“Lead the way, O Master,” I said dryly. He didn’t reply, and instead merely began the long descent down. As he did so, I stealthily stuffed my steel bar deep into a niche in my cave, covering it up with some old bones and cloth. Then I peered over the cliff’s edge; he was close to the bottom, and so I launched myself out, spreading my wings as I did so and reveling in the feeling of air rushing beneath them. I spiraled down and landed gracefully on the ground, taking extra care of folding in my wings so the boy could be suitable impressed by them.
To my annoyance, the visor of his helmet seemed to have slammed down and did a nice job of covering his face up, so he missed my entire display. While he struggled with the rusted piece of metal, I stretched and looked out over the countryside. It was a pleasant place, indeed—little was I to know how long it would be before I ever saw it again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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I have returned. To eat your face. (I'll review this too.)
I'm, like, celebrating right now because you've fixed the main problem I originally had with this chapter. In the original version, I didn't find the reason for Jot agreeing to going on the journey believable enough. It's totally believable now. I like how you really spiced up the whole attraction to the steel thing. It made the whole thing more believable, but it also made it more interesting too. I think you portrayed how amazing the metal was to Jot really well. Other than that, you haven't changed much about this chapter, which is totally cool because it was great as it was before, hehe.
I only have some pansy nit-picks to tell you really... I guess that's more of a good thing than a bad thing though, right? My first nit-pick is about your description of Chance's eyes. Basically, you described them as 'buggy eyes' loads. I'm probably being way too paranoid, but it got a little distracting after a while. All you need to do is replace some of them with other descriptions. Even if it's things like having Jot mention that it must take his eyelids some real effort to blink because his eyes stick out so much, or something like that. Just replace some of the 'buggy eyes' descriptions with more of a variation, basically.
My other nit-pick concerns the steel. Wouldn't Jot have been able to smell the steel in Chance's bag? I mean, if the smell of it was that strong and that tempting, wouldn't he have at least suspected something? He may not have guessed that the smell was coming from Chance's bag, but I'd have thought he might have smelt something nice in the air, you know? The bag might have been covering the smell up, but you described the metal in such a way that seemed exceptionally wonderful to Jot that it seems odd that he couldn't smell it or anything when it was in Chance's bag.
Other than those minor things, I don't see any problems with this as all. You're really great at editing it seems, so it's a struggle to review these edited chapters, especially when they were so good before anyway.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
Back again, my Hawkie friend!
Omnomnom. I love this. Your style is so wonderful. Easy to read yet so enrapturing. Both Jot and Chance are very solid characters too. I love them both, and I've very little to nitpick about. Again. xD
Take out the ellipses, and the whole sentence doesn't make sense. I think breaking it into two would suit it better!
I never really thought of dragons having paws. I'm not sure what to do with it though. xD
So I reeeeally loved the bit about the steel. That's a new concept, and the reasons actually work for me! Especially the bit about steel being made into weapons and armor. There's so much to steel I never considered, so it was a really cool twist you threw into your story. After reading that, I got to thinking that it was never mentioned in the first chapter. In fact, in chapter one, Jot says this:
He seemed to show disgust toward the armor. And surely at this point in chapter one, the boy smelled of pumping blood. (If the boy's as nervous as he was introduced, he's probably not relaxed talking to the dragon later on. He must still have some anxiety that's got his system running on hypserspeed.) So basically, I'm not sure how this could be disgusting. Just mentioning the shine of steel would be enough. Unless rusted steel is the most disgusting thing ever. That'd be interesting. Steel is so awesome, but it's a curse when rusted. xD
Back to chapter 2!
The rank of dragons mentioned was pretty cool. I hope this is elaborated later on. I never thought that there would be two worlds living together unnoticed. Is there a class system of dragons as there are humans (kings, lords, knights, peasants)? Or does Jot just mean fame and fear from other dragons? Something to think about!
I've always wondered when reading about dragons why the dragon left his cave unattended. If other dragons know where he lives, isn't there risk of theft? *flail*
Chapter 3, come to me! *is a poet*
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Derp, thanks for catching that Mum! I have trouble with names, can you tell?
Also, switched the words' order so they don't rhyme. XD Thanks!
Daughter, tis me!
and
Not the same sister?
Well, that was the only mistake I saw! Jot's reasons for following this time are much more plausible, congrats on that good work!
I giggled at the end, just so you know. Sorry I wasn't more help, but hey! I found something!
Mum.
Hey there Ranger! Here to review for you...
*reads*
Well this revew is pretty pointless seeing as I can only find one thing:
I couldn't help but notice that these two words rhyme and as a result it reads a bit strangely.
Other than then though, great job! I'm glad you added in that extra description - it makes Jot's decision a lot more realistic. Keep 'em coming